The Two-Minute Haggadah - A Passover service for the impatient. |
For those of you who don't have the patience to sit thru a full Seder: The Two-Minute Haggadah - A Passover service for the impatient. Opening prayers: Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.) Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this. Four questions: Answers: A funny story: Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.) The four kinds of children and how to deal with them: Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks. The story of Passover: It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts theRed Sea. We make it through. The Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.) The 10 Plagues: Blood, Frogs, Lice-you name it. The singing of "Dayenu": Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch. Thanks again, God, for everything. SERVE MEAL. Say Grace. Drink more wine. Sing some more songs. Try to stay awake. Who knows one? Who knows two through thirteen? Dad bought a goat for two zuzim. Everyone beats up every one until God steps in. Go to sleep. Do it again another night. |
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